Something beautiful

Friday, 25 March 2016

Something beautiful just happened. I’m pretty sure I’m the only person who saw or noticed or even thought anything of it.

You were looking out the window and I saw you perk up. You grabbed your phone, and started framing a photo.

You saw something. Something from an angle, something that you felt warranted taking a carefully framed photo. You took your time, you took a few shots, and for an instant I longed to be closer to you. To see what you saw, and to understand what was going through your mind.

I’m sure it’ll end up with a filter on social media. I’m sure this was nothing but a fleeting impulse. But I still thought it was a great moment.

You have some great moments.

Protected: a lot

Tuesday, 26 January 2016

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This is what I want

Tuesday, 11 August 2015

I have something to tell you. I’ve had something to tell you, and I’ve gone back and forth for a really long time. An embarrassingly long time.

There’s no reason to tell you… I don’t think your answer would change anything, and it would literally just implode our friendship.  But my answer hasn’t been that firm in the last few weeks.  Go fucking figure.

I really like you. As a human, person. I feel like it’s so rare I really find myself feeling that way, that losing you as a friend would really suck.

There’s like a certain level of adventure (that’s not the right word) that you’re down for, that he isn’t.  There’s a certain type of conversation you provide that he can’t.  But is that it?  Could it go further? Would I seriously consider anything other than that? As if you ever would.

I want this off my chest.  I want it out of my mind entirely.  I can’t fucking shake it, and in order to move forward I feel like I need to DO something about it. And it’s selfish, and does no one any good.

Here’s what I want to happen:  I want to tell you this. I want you to be kind, remind me that’s not a thing, and it could never happen, that I’m being hilariously crazy, and then you’re going to act like nothing ever happened and still indulge my drunken texts and continue to be the friend I need.

Is that really so much to ask?

Protected: Been talking

Friday, 13 February 2015

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Reduced to Tears

Friday, 19 December 2014

Do you remember that early January afternoon?

I took off work, and you met me downtown. It was cold. Bitterly cold. I had on heeled boots, and we walked for a while.
Do you remember too many long islands, and a private session with Cage the Elephant? It was at the Ames Hotel, and the lobby was way too nice for us to be there. Do you remember the happy hour at McCormick and Schmick’s where Julia and Eli met us later? We had the cheapest meal the city has ever had, we drank beers, and reassured each other “we’ll be okay.”
I don’t think you knew then how much I needed to hear that and how much I needed that afternoon with you. We got drunk at the bar you used to work at. We sent Julia and Eli home, and we took the red line to your apartment. I fell asleep on your couch watching “Easy A.” and you offered to drive me all the way home.
Thank you. Thank you for being such an unwavering friend for so many years. Even after my best friend broke your heart, you hung around through it all to keep the Ace Gang together.  I don’t know how you did it, I don’t think I could have.  Thank you for always taking care of me, whether you meant to or not, and thank you for sharing so many memories with me.
I’m sitting here, over 3000 miles away from you, from our friends, from that afternoon in January, and Cage the Elephant just popped up on my playlist.  I can’t not think of you when I hear them.  It almost broke me down, being so far away from the comfort that exists back east.  So far away from knowing a phone call and a short drive could bring me back to the safety of your couch, or a bitterly cold afternoon of booze and music.

Stupid song reduced me to tears.

You can drive all night
Looking for the answers in the pouring rain
You wanna find peace of mind
Looking for the answer